I have been astounded at how much unworthiness I have encountered in the recent weeks. This is coming from people that I experience as able, strong, talented, enjoyable.
Most often, this comes out in the form of comments. The person will be able to give a clear and wise viewpoint onto a situation, and then I’ll watch them accept something less than worthy of their full hope. They’ll say….
“Oh, that’s ok, it’s fine.” and accept a mediocre meal
“I don’t need that.”
“It isn’t important to me.”
“I know I’m giving up my time, but this other person needs something more than I do.”
It isn’t just the words. Its the body language that accompanies the words. Often there is a slump to the shoulders, a rocking back and forth of the head that dismisses what they need, eyes that look at the floor or look away, hands that clench into fists. Sometimes tears show up in the corner of the eyes and are laughed off.
You are worthy.
What on earth makes you or me or anyone else think that they should be second best? What messages are running your brain, that tell you that you can’t do this thing you’re dreaming about or that you can’t buy that house you love, that tell you that you do not deserve to be happy because someone else has had it harder?
These messages need to be crumpled and thrown in the bin.
First, we need to know who wrote those messages. Whose handwriting are they in?
Whose voice do you hear when you are paying attention to them?
And what does that have to do with you?
Here is a silly thing about me. I believed that I had a terrible smile. My whole life and I’m just turning 55. In my youth, it was true that I had teeth that were uneven, spaced, or even missing (who knows what was going on with all of that?). My senior year in college I had the dentist do a couple of bondings that solved most of the issues. But my mind had 22 years of bad teeth stories that I could not shake.
So recently, I was making a mature and self aware statement about my smile to a couple of male friends. They looked confused as I spoke of my teeth issues. They looked at each other, confirming my odd and untrue perspective. And then one said, “I have never, not once, noticed anything amiss with your smile or with your teeth. Your smile is a light.” Something in me thought “that is impossible” “he is lying” “what does he know”.
You know what I did? I went home and began smiling in the mirror. You know what I saw? straight teeth with a lovely little gap in the front. I then did an even more astonishing thing. I smiled my normal smile….the one I do to hide my teeth. I hate that smile. And then I smiled as if my teeth were fine. OMG, I love that smile. My freakin’ teeth are just fine. I didn’t even know it.
False Messages do not equal truth.
False Messages totally mess with our self perception.
You are worthy. Even if your teeth are uneven.
Even if you’ve had 13 boyfriends and they all leave you, you are worthy of a strong, healthy relationship.
Even if you’ve been unkind on a regular basis, you are worthy of kindness.
Even if your parent has told you that their plans and identity for you come first, you are worthy of a good life of your own design.
Even if you were told to be this thing but you chose to be another, you are worthy of validation.
Even if Even if Even if
You are worthy.
Let’s bash the messages, and lean in to a real truth. See how far you’ll go.