No matter our best intentions. We have the capacity to self sabotage.
In a blink of an eye.
in a missing “submit”.
I have to confess. I worked my coaching program hard. It was pure joy. I had a hard deadline. If you know me, I don’t work with hard deadlines. But I attended every class session but 1, read all the books, did all the assignments, met with my practice coaches, etc etc etc…..appropriately achieving. You see, I am a B student at heart. I don’t retain details as much as I retain the location to find the details when I need them. If I press myself to the wall, I do A work. I’ve never found that super satisfying, except in my doctoral program and my coaching program.
I was down to one class. One class that I had been pestering the coaching admin to get on the schedule, to set up a time. For months. What a bother I was. But I was determined. The day it opened for registration, I was online doing the thing. FINALLY! Woohoo! So much excitement. There I was, on my comfy couch, little dog at my feet, and nearing the end of the simple registration process I needed to go get my credit card. I must have gotten up. Must have headed to my bag-of-all-things….
Must have gotten distracted.
I didn’t complete the registration. I have no recall. But because of my joy, my deadline, my determination, my half-done action, my brain thought I had completed the registration. Two weeks before the class was to start, I noticed I had not received the admin email for linking in. Hmmm, what was up with that? I went into my emails to find it. My stomach began to feel tight and awful, as a frantic unbelievable realization began to set in. There were NO CONFIRMATION EMAILS ABOUT THE CLASS. Surely that was wrong. When the admin got back to me, with the simple and sad news that I was not registered, but was now on the waiting list, I nearly died.
I don’t get it. But this is indeed what happens to us. Like having a little troll inside that keeps you from finishing the marathon, or book club, or relationship communications, or getting to work on time, or forgiving, or completing a registration process for the last class needed for double certification. What within me was afraid of that final step? I don’t know.
This has been my spiritual practice of pondering and contemplation for the whole summer. At this point, if all had gone to plan, I would be writing about completing my certification processes. What I do get to write about, is that I have registered for the last class. It has been confirmed. I’m in. I have to wait till March, which means I’ll do the certification process in late April or early May. 9 months later than I thought.
Pay attention to your details. The ones you set, the ones you complete…
and especially the ones you don’t complete. What happened? What old story are you still living? What negative swirl is inside that just can’t quite let you go?
i’s and t’s to you,